Water Flows

Hope springs eternal.

Springs. Why do you suppose the word "springs" was chosen there?
Spring like the season?
Or spring, like water.

Hope flows like water. It seems effortless sometimes. When hope dries up, it's like a well going dry. In a way, water is hope, and hope is water.

Our valley is FULL of water! So much so, that there is a well (many locals are wholly familiar) that runs, just up the road from our house. People come regularly to get water. Some people call it "Jesus's Fountain," perhaps because no one really knows how long it's been there.
Turns out that well was an important piece to how the farm here was once managed.

Imagine, farming before electric and running water.
How?

Milking by hand is a given, naturally.
But once milk is collected, it has to be kept cold to prevent bacteria from forming. That may have been the only thing that was easier in winter - but how did dairy farmers do it in the summer?
With water.
At our old barn, there was a trough of water that cans of milk were sunk into to keep the milk cold. Sometimes, according to Uncle Hank, the water would "fail." So they took their cans of milk to the well down the road. At that time, there was a big trough here. Milk would be kept cold in cans in the trough here overnight.

If you've ever lugged a milk can around, you know they are not light. It doesn't get any better, once they are filled with milk! Horses surely pulled the cans by wagon to the trough, but you still had to get them on and off the wagon, and lowered into the trough, and then back out again.

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Thanks so much for your time reading this post! Work to begin restoring our old barn will begin this spring. To join or share the cause, please visit gf.me/u/w9mhpd

Great-Uncle Hank

World, I'd like you to meet my great-uncle.
You may already know him. He's a pretty incredible guy!

We're rather meeting him together. I'm getting to know him like I never did, and he is a wealth of inspiration!

Uncle Hank is my late grandmother's brother. My grandma that was the center of my world, and a sizable chunk of my heart to this day. As a child, I remember him visiting at grandma and grandpa's with his family, maybe once a year or so. He was REALLY tall, and largely a stranger to me. I feel like I spent the majority of their time there, being somewhere else.

Great-Uncle Hank carrying my dad.

Our home is the site of his childhood. The family moved here when he was two. Since we moved in, Uncle Hank has made a near-annual visit, usually in October. Even in its sorry current condition, he enjoys seeing the barn. In the early part of this decade, it seemed his way of closing his time in New York, before traveling back to Texas for the winter with his wife.

When he walks through it, he points out the scenes from his most vivid memories. The giant, old maple tree beside the barn is where his grandpa used to park his Model T when he came to help put in hay. There's a certain spot at the edge of the hay mow that he distinctly recalls as the precise point upon which he fell out of the mow and broke his arm.

It was this fall I'd learned that Uncle Hank no longer winters in Texas. He's made his home in New York, and still enjoys coming to see the barn. This year, at 90-years-old, the condition of this place that he once worked and played seemed more important than it had in the past. Uncle Hank noted some places my husband has attempted to patch, and it gave him tremendous hope that we would yet save the barn.

It seemed only right to be honest. As much as we would love to save the barn, it's a matter of finances. As a young(ish) family, living in an obscenely overtaxed area, in a state with an equally obscene cost of living, I didn't know that we would ever have the funds to save the barn before it fell in.

Those were horrible words to hear coming out of my own mouth to this sweet man. Thankfully, they didn't dull his hope, or the twinkle in his eyes (so much like I remember my grandmas!). There's something about Uncle Hank and his wish that energized this buried dream up and out of the depths of my heart.

Something that felt like it might happen eons from now, suddenly gained top priority, and a significantly more urgent deadline.

With a new year just around the corner, I'm opening myself to faith, and creating one (of a few yet to be pursued, this is just the fastest) avenue to make a milestone in the big dream possible: making the first repairs to our old barn. If you would like to help with this, our fledgeling gofundme page is here for you to share or contribute to if you are so inclined.

No matter what, thanks so much for reading along so far.

And the Haymow Can Be a Yoga Studio

I Quit.

Almost.

Wanted to...
Thought I should.

Got overwhelmed.
Felt misdirected.
Got caught up in being ignored, used, and disrespected.

But here's the thing.
It's all in my head.
Those things are happening, they are real.
I'm focusing on something else, instead.

Overwhelmed means ABUNDANCE.
Misdirected? Perhaps the goal is near.
Mistreated? All in how you view it:
Could be their ego, could be their FEAR.

I'm brave enough for everyone.
Stronger than they know.
Smart enough to see the truth:
You manifest your destiny - you choose the way you go.

So friends, I am still working
Still in this restoration game.
My barn may be 100 this year.
We can give it a fresh face - maybe even a name.

This path comes from my very core.
It breathes my every breath.
What's old will again be new.

My sole intent
Aim true

Certainly

I WILL.

A Barn of a Different Color

We live in a colorful world, indeed. Some people see it strictly black and white.

Photo Credit: KNM Bliss Baked Goods

Some observe a rather astounding range of gray between the black and white. Some get so lost in a grand spectrum of color they never notice a single shadow.

What would the world be, without all of those different perspectives?
Don't you want your accountant to be a fairly black and white kind of person? And yet, can you imagine that mindset on someone you were consulting with on paint for your home?

It ALL counts. It all matters! We all have value in this world. Perspectives we don't agree with have value. Perspectives that hurt us have value — even if only to test our dedication to our own knowledge.

When it comes to this barn project, there will be LOADS of perspectives. They will all be worth considering. Some will be discarded. All will be appreciated.

What's important is to remember the WHYs:

• A young lady who has made more gains than anyone thought possible
• A senior gentleman who would like to see his family farm restored to his mind's eye view
• A goal to prove old barns can be reborn to unique purposes that better our greater world

This weekend was quite extraordinary for the person mentioned in that first bullet. Her wonderful friends Katelyn, Sophie, Tesika and Madison, first surprised her with a celebratory birthday lunch at her favorite place, the Olive Garden. In this season of gratitude, it's well worth taking a moment to mention all that these young women have done to mentor their friend. Through the Dairy Princess program, and the Chautauqua County 4-H Dairy Project, these young people have assisted, encouraged, and befriended someone who at first, was really hard to connect with. It's taken years, but they have created an indelible bond. 

As I follow social media posts in Autism groups, I become more and more aware of how lacking in friendships our special needs community members are. They crave connection, just as we do. They often don't understand why they have trouble making and keeping friends. Communication differences make forging and building those relationships hard. The isolation that happens because communication is so difficult makes the relationships that do take hold so much more valuable and necessary than other typical friendships we might experience. If you have a chance to reach out to a person on the spectrum, please do. If you connect, please don't ever let go. 

Following lunch, our tribe of young friends drove my girl to Hills Valley Farm, where she became the proud owner of a Brown Swiss calf named Satin. The calf resides at the farm next door: her grandfather the primary caretaker with Autumn planning to assist at every available moment. Likely, our barn will never be ready for Satin to inhabit before she becomes a milking cow. Perhaps though, her daughters will grow up here. 

Today, none of that matters to these two. 

That said, it still matters to me. 

We're working on estimates. Working on putting a dollar value on what we think we can do this spring. It's not easy. There are different ideas on how things should be done - that whole black and white/gray/rainbow perspective thing is making itself unmistakably apparent. 

The Barn Diva is aiming HIGH. Why not? 

I'm not sure if I am scaring or frustrating people, but so be it. This is not a project where "good enough" is going to cut it. I believe there's magic in our barn. I can't wait to share some history, and talk to people who are ready to contribute their barn stories to this blog! Together, we can create something that benefits generations to come. 

There's no room for low-balling here. 

A mission is forming. It's about our barn, and your barn. It's about creating places people can go to find out how farming was, how it is, and why it changes. It's about showing why this way of life matters, and why all people should have a connection to farm. 

I haven't written much about yoga on my barn blog - but they are connected. Yoga aims to ground us - to build the connection of our minds to our bodies, and our bodies to earth. In doing so, our thoughts are more grounded, our emotions more stable. I wasn't long into my yoga practice before I realized that farming is truly a type of yoga - that cows embody a calming energy that can be therapeutic, and the physical demands of farming work to solidify our mind-body connections ("sensory organizing" in therapy-speak!). 

People leaving the farm harms our society as a whole. We're disconnecting from a reality we desperately need. In so doing, we're allowing fear to erode our food system. That fear ultimately makes it more difficult for families with limited resources to make sound nutrition choices. We get so worried about if we should go organic (and then the cost) or about GMOs, that we give up and sit down with our pop and chips because somehow they seem more affordable and comforting. Do you see what just happened there? 

... ANY vegetable and ANY milk is better than pop and chips! 

If you live it... or if you ask a farmer. I've seen the light go on for so many as they speak with our dairy princesses. I've had the honor of turning that light on for a few myself! We need more opportunities to make that happen. People need old barns and as many avenues as we can create to connect with animals. We live in a huge world, and yet digital technology allows us to shrink it. A rainbow of thought you can fit in your phone. 

It's up to each one of us to create the rainbow. 

Telling the Story

Last week I told you about the 8.6 billion present-day reasons why our barn needs to be restored.

Now, I'd like to tell you about why the book I've started writing is a story that needs telling and also may create an avenue within which to generate funds that will help renovate the barn.

If you know me - if you've read old Barn Diva posts - you won't be at all surprise to find that for me, it all starts with my time as a dairy princess. Funny it was a job I didn't want, and turned out to be one of the singular most influential experiences of my life!

If you ask a princess, I think you will find similar stories. The program and the experiences it provides, shows you how important it is to share the real-life experiences of living and working on a farm. I remember talking with students in the city schools in our county and realizing how little they knew about farming; and how excited they were to learn about cows! I remember talking to them about the health benefits of dairy products and how engaged they got in learning about how milk would help them grow big and strong.

And those connections, friends?

As a farm kid, I was *never* the first one out to the barn. Seriously, never. I was not a morning person. Chores were not the highlight of my existence. But sometimes when I was out there, I'd think about the kids we were feeding. Sometimes I'd think about the funny stories they'd share ("My dad's a farmer! He milks chickens, dogs, bulls, and sheep!"). It was times like that when I finally understood being a princess was actually an important job.

And today?

Today, being a princess is an even MORE important job.
Because people don't begin to understand what farmers are doing. They don't see that big farms are still family farms. People don't understand that farmers don't make enough on the products they produce to pay their bills. People think plant-based beverages are the same as milk!

Aside: Thank you to our past princesses for your time and efforts for the industry. To the princesses of today - keep up the good work and KNOW your mission is an important one!

And does anyone understand why farms took the path of growth? Does anyone know why small farms are dying?

Yeah. I'm sure I don't fully know it all either. And the funny thing about this whole princess thing is - at least for me and a few of my past-princess friends - the mission really never leaves you. As a nutrition educator today, I still find myself telling the story of farming. Those are truly gratifying moments - it really never gets old!

So the book (or series, because the history of farming is definitely more than one book) will look at the path of farming - as seen through the eyes of a really remarkable child. In telling her story, we'll see how generations of family farms came to be where they are - and why beautiful barns like ours have come to stand as agricultural dinosaurs in the museum of modern agriculture. My hope is to be able to monetize a website and release chapters that - for a donation of your choice - you will be able to purchase and read knowing that your donation is going to restore a part of agricultural history.

It will be vitally important to hear the stories of farms. People who know farming in the early 1900's. People who can speak to the economic eras that pushed farms to change. Those times when there were hard choices to make - what drove you to make the choice you did? Would you change that if you could go back?

I am thankful to be part of a fantastic farm community! People who have made growing my girl as much a part of their passions as it is mine. This mission is about telling a story that encompasses the stories of the families I love best. It's about making another avenue for people who aren't connected to agriculture to gain some understanding of the generations of love and care that have gone into where we are today.

This IS the story I was meant to write.

Birth Days

Birth days are a big deal. October is a HUGE birthday month in this family! Both grandmothers (and on the same day, no less!), a couple of aunts, and my son to mention a few. This is all quickly followed by Miss Autumn. Who, as we said in the last post, will turn 18 this year.

And if you read the last post, you know there's something big in store for her! Something that looks a bit like this...

And if you've read any of the other recent posts, you know this DEFINITELY feels like the cart before the horse! It's time to have a place on our place where this girl can keep her animals. Yes, there is a farm next door where she learns from her grandpa and grows by the day. It's great, and it is also a crutch. We need to see what she is made of - if she has the dedication to take this on and care for her animals day in, day out. Of course she will have help, but she deserves to test her wings and see what she is capable of.

And if it works for her, might it have the potential to help others like her in a variety of ways?
We think so.

And the barn needs to be the barn of old again. I've told you there is a senior gentleman that also finds this an important mission. What is the thing that grounds you? Where is your base? What brings you peace and comfort? For him, I think our barn does many of those things. He wants to see it restored, and because of him, there is a sense of urgency around this project that there never was before.

SO - as we continue to look for grants and I continue to draft my book (that part probably doesn't make sense - hang tight - it will in time) - we may start a gofundme account. We're hoping to talk to some friends with financial knowledge and experience with these types of campaigns before diving in.

Another Brown Swiss Calf,
because there's no such thing as too much cute!

The husband and I are unsettled about this step. It feels like begging. It feels like it has the potential to take advantage of friends and loved ones. At the very least, it feels like we might guilt trip people whose money would be better spent taking care of themselves and their loved ones than furthering our cause.

We don't want that.

The upshot is, it could unite people with similar passions to our cause. Historic restorations are environmentally conscious things to do! People might want to contribute just because they will have a hand in restoring a piece of the past. People might want to contribute because truly, they just don't make anything like they used to. This is worth saving as a testament of things that were built to stand the test of time.

People might want to contribute because our special needs friends deserve a shot at living to their true potential. They deserve freedom and independence: as much as can safely be afforded them. In school jargon, we talk about LRE: Least Restrictive Environment. So perhaps people will want to contribute because our girl deserves that chance.

People might want to contribute because they understand or can empathize with the crush of responsibility the parent of a special needs child feels to somehow ensure that their child will be safe, well-cared for, and financially secure all of their days. LONG after their parents have departed the earth. That's a scary one for people whose entire savings goes directly to school and property taxes Every. Single. Year. That's the one that wakes you up in the dead of night. That's what makes you contemplate things that force you to set your ego aside and do things that you wouldn't have in any other possible storyline that could have been your life.

People might want to join this cause because there is magic in bringing the past to life for our community of advanced citizens. It's a tangible statement to their worth: a living legacy to their lives and contributions to our world as it stands today. THIS matters, and so do they! The idea of a nonagenarian getting to see a piece of his childhood returning to its former glory? That might make you set aside your pride and do some crazy things too!

So that's where we are. We've gained a contact that can help with a business plan. Gained the support of a skilled builder who can guide the project. Now we need to talk about gofundme.

What would you do?

Hiatus

/hīˈādəs/

Learn to pronounce

noun

a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process.
"there was a brief hiatus in the war with France"

1. 
   

   Last week, an unintended hiatus in the writing progress happened. Didn't even make it a month before Life Interruptus decided to run naked and screaming while banging cymbals through my routine! Life Interruptus can be a real pain. It can also be really fun. Thankfully, the wild child brought good things.

   
   

   Except the update that put my laptop, and my writing on pause. 

   
   

   Actually, it was more the evening events happening that put my writing on pause. That and my lack of determination to come home and WRITE the 30 minutes every night that I intended! When discipline decides to get into a competition with sleep, sleep is going to win. Unless the Anxiety trump card gets thrown - and honestly, it did! But what that amounted to was 2AM laundry detail. 

   
   

   So I took a week off. There are going to be a couple of nights this week I don't see much writing happening either. 

   
   

   The great news is, there are still things to share. Still progress being made.

   
   

   Not barn progress per se, but things that maybe will get to live in the barn someday progress. 

   
   

   *****WARNING***** PLEASE READ NO FURTHER IF YOU CANNOT KEEP A SECRET****

   
   

   You see, I have a kiddo turning 18 next month. 

   Yes, EIGHTEEN. Every parent will tell you their kid is not like any other kid. Every parent will tell you their kid is special. Mine is too. She's not going to college. We're not sure what the future holds for her. There's one thing we know:

   The girl LOVES cows. 

   
   

   She says "cows are my spirit animal." Good thing she was born to a family that is still connected to farm, right? 

   
   

   She was born to a family that has registered Holsteins. She loves them!

   And she also loves Brown Swiss.

   Oh Me Too!

   Except, I've never owned a Brown Swiss. Never even considered that one. 

   My girl on the other hand... She's considered owning a Brown Swiss. A couple of years ago, my girl decided one day, she was GOING to own a Brown Swiss. 

   
   

   SO, for my soon-to-be 18-year-old, who will not have me wringing my hands over helping her fund tuition, there will be a Brown Swiss Calf. The Good Lord Willing and all goes well, she will be a show calf and the beginning of my girl's very own Brown Swiss cow family. My dad is the cattleman in our little tribe. My girl is incredibly lucky to have him invested in this journey, and ready to help her with trying to develop her own Brown Swiss cow family. I love their relationship and am greatly looking forward to being in the back seat on their journey. 

   
   

   My girl is also an alternate dairy princess for our county. She's excited her grandpa is taking her to an event this week. She said "I get grandpa all to myself! I'm his partner in crime." 

   
   

   Sometimes she says things like that, and when she walks away I just look up and breathe "thank you." 

   
   

   My dad is for my girl what his mom was for me... the greatest blessing in life. Everyone should get to have someone like that.

   
   

   So for those of you who know her and have shared links about cow cuddling... know that still whirls in my mind. Those of you who know her know what cows and farm have done for her. Those in the therapy fields who know her understand that there may be no better therapy on earth than FARM. 

   
   

   It's time you also know there is a vision here that sees us one day sharing the opportunities my girl has had with other humans - especially the ones that aren't like others - the ones that are special. 

   
   

   The writing will come back. Last week, we were living. The spice for the writing is in the living. 

This Old Barn

The funny thing is, it isn't as if this old barn is something I just became aware of. If you haven't been here, you may not be aware that I live on the homestead that my grandma was raised on. You may not  know that as a child, I assumed this would be my place: the giant old house that once stood here and that I used to sneak into when vacant to play and daydream, would be where I lived.

Sadly, the house was deemed in ill-repair and used as a controlled burned for our local fire department the day (seriously, like as I was leaving) I left to attend college in Wilmington, Ohio. The flames of my dream ignited my rearview mirror, as tears washed my face, but failed to clear the vision from my mind even after six hours of trying. At the time, I thought that was the final indication that I wasn't meant to live in New York.

Imagine the moment when, 13 years later, my husband asked if I would like to move home. In the first place, the man is a diehard Buckeye! I couldn't imagine he would ever want to live in New York again (he had for a year or two - it wasn't magical). I weighed carefully... yeah, no. Not really. I didn't weigh ALL of my options. Not the ones I should have. I thought about our parents and who at the time seemed better able to travel to see us. I did warn that the taxes would be insane, the cost of living higher... Yet we packed up a giant U-Haul, our little girl and baby boy, and headed east.

My younger self had never told my husband about the plot that would eventually become our home. He had a few other locations in mind - but there was none of that! Older self really wishes I had taken a little bit of time to explain why I bought five acres in exactly NONE of the places he hoped for.

But that was MY house that went up in flames all of those years ago. In my heart it was, at least. And if I couldn't have grandma's house, then at least I could have the ground she'd played on.

And of course, the barn is still here. In that barn lies my mission - maybe OUR mission. Because ultimately, this old barn may be about more than me and my husband. It IS about more than me and my husband. It's about more than our now-young woman and her dreams. It may even be about more than a beloved senior gentleman, his memories and HIS dream!

All will be revealed. For now, it's enough to know that it's time to save this old barn. We'll need all the help we can get to accomplish it. Perhaps, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. We'll see. In the meantime, we're reaching out for advice and assistance. Please do share this post if you know of anyone with any experience or interest in barn restoration! If anyone local knows anything about the history of this barn previous to 1930, we'd love to have that information too.

BARN Diva

Chapters.
Chapters are so crazy.
You close one chapter, and head off in some odd direction. You think that last chapter is history. You'll never go back. It will never be the same!
And it won't.
It can't.
Life moves forward. Sometimes it seems to move in circles; but really, we're spiraling into something else.
And it doesn't make sense... until it does.
The Barn Diva of old was in a barn looking out.
The Barn Diva of today is focused on a different barn, and she's looking IN.
She's looking around.
She's thinking. She's positively whirling with creativity and giddy because she's found her story! It's the story she was always meant to write. It's the story that unites old and new. How it turns out is anyone's guess; but you know what?
The world needs this story. You are going to want to be around for the ride.