Sooo Not Farming!

This weekend, my husband and I have brought the kids to Southern Ohio to visit their grandparents and the rest of their dad’s side of the family.

I am always struck by the social differences between how my husband and I were raised, and how we parent our children as a result. Since we are going to see his family, I consider this his trip. We do what he wants, when he wants. We are polar opposite and equally stubborn, so compromise is impossible! The only thing that works is for one or the other to simply give in on whatever subjects mean the least to that person.

So this is not my trip. I packed the kids and myself, and my husband is in charge of the rest. From the moment we get in the car, it is a different trip entirely than if it were just the kids and myself. The car is totally wired up! Portable DVD player installed between the front seats so the kids can watch movies the entire six-hour drive. A box stocked with chips, popcorn, cereals and a couple bottles of water is right at their feet.

The front seat hosts an AC power inverter so I can run my laptop the entire trip.

On one hand, this is bliss! Children who are quiet and entertained for six hours? When in life does this ever happen other than this? All this time stuck in a car means I am exempt from dishes, laundry, house cleaning and the endless and futile attempts to clean up the trail of toys that meanders its way continuously through our home! I have the impression that stay-at-home moms are expected to relish and cherish these tasks, because we are so fortunate to be ABLE to stay home to raise our children…

Though I work part-time at the farm and pick up design jobs whenever they present themselves, I do still consider myself a stay-at-home mom. And I do feel fortunate that I was there for every first and still get to be the one who gets them off the bus after school. You don’t ever get that time back. These are the moments these future adults will one day look back on and evaluate what worked for them, what didn’t, and what they will do differently in their own lives. It’s a big deal! I am glad to be the one who gets to be there. I don’t celebrate it every day; but at the end of the day, I couldn’t stand to let anyone else have this time with my kids.

The housework, however, I can do without! There is NOTHING more mundane and ENDLESS than housework! Clean the kitchen so you can make another meal and trash it again so you have to clean it AGAIN. It’s like being Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, except some days you are starting over three times in one day! ARGH!

So, for the weekend, I am excused! Hooray! And thanks, hubby! Because the kids are quiet too and, while you are driving, I can spend a large amount of time thinking grownup thoughts and pondering if technology is contributing to the breakdown of the modern family.

That is what I am wondering here. We are all wired up, plugged in, totally entertained, and completely tuned out. Is this a good thing? For me, heck yeah! Mommy needs a B.R.E.A.K! But what about the kids? They are staring at the middle of the car into a screen playing a movie they have seen at least as many times as they have zipped their own coats successfully. And while they are looking in, they are not looking out! They are not seeing the towns that are so different from their own. They aren’t looking at all the different kinds of cars, different license plates, different people doing different things inside those cars!

And they are not bored, either. Which means they are not thinking of ways to entertain themselves. They are not working the creative sides of their brains. It’s a missed opportunity.

They are also not fighting. Which means they are not learning how to stand up for themselves. Not learning how to negotiate or solve their own problems.

And in the close confines of this car, maybe they wouldn’t be getting that even if they weren’t plugged in. Because mom and dad get annoyed and don’t want to answer ONE MORE QUESTION about when we are going to get there or feel compelled to referee ONE MORE FIGHT! Is there anything to be gained by ending a six-hour drive with everyone frustrated with each other?

If you are in the right frame of mind, probably. But if you’re too unfocused or too negative to look for the teachable moments, it probably just gets stored away as a bad memory. So this time, this trip; we’re doing things the Dad Way. Mommy is experiencing the teachable moment: how to stop obsessing and LET GO!

I’m thinking the positive side of this is that my kids are being raised with knowledge of two different lifestyles. Being a part of the farm and living in a very rural setting affords them plenty of opportunity to use their imaginations and play (and fight!) together. They see my family working together to get things done, not always getting along, but always doing our best to respect each other and keep the big picture in view.

Daddy and their travels and adventures in Ohio will give them the opportunity to see what can be achieved when the world is right outside your door! That there is more to the world than open fields and cows. If one thing doesn’t work for you, can you spread your wings and explore other places and lifestyles, because your options are absolutely endless!

OK, so I am good with this. Plug me in, big daddy! We are two very different parents, and we have two very lucky kids because we are so different.