It IS a Diary, After All.

It's been a busy weekend, and thankfully a long one! Yesterday, which is usually a day I set aside time to write and work on the blog, I had a young man in need of costume alterations for his school play. The day was spent making buttonholes on my grandmother's 1950's era sewing machine, with a buttonhole attachment which I had never figured out how to use before. Thanks so much to YouTube! It's a pretty incredible little gizmo.

So today, some blog work is happening. I'm going through the recordings of my last interview. I keep my computer handy for transcribing the important parts; but I'm usually cleaning house while I listen. I'm excited to get this one written! There are so many interesting points to explore. It's interesting to look at families where a grandparent and grandchild are working together. It's a lot like what's happening with my daughter and my dad. I quite often stay out of it on purpose. My relationship with my grandmother was one of the greatest blessings of my life. She had far more influence on me than my parents. And now, as I look for mentors and role models for my girl, I can't imagine a better guide in life than my dad.

Simple symbiosis.

Autumn and Satin

Today though, I stepped in a little and helped the girl work with her calves, Satin and Julia. Of course, that ended in teenage angst! This is why I rely on my dad so much. Julia has a clever pen my dad creates for young calves. Autumn didn't think we should take Julia out of her pen. I was determined to show her it was no big deal and NOW is the time to start working with this calf! My releasing the side of the pen that grandpa had put together was simply not OK in Autumn's world. After quite a bit of tense talk, the pen was put back together and Autumn stormed out of the barn.

NO, she isn't a brat. Autumn's world is not the same as ours. If you know her, you get it, at least to some degree. The hard part to explain is what trying to manage and balance all of that does to a parent. It's honestly hard for me to understand my own emotions and how raising her has changed me. It's an absolute given I am going to push too far at some point. I guess all parents do. I can't really explain what happens in me when things go awry with her. I have two kids, and they are entirely different beings. Things go awry with the boy too. At 14, he is a different kind of exhausting. Even at his worst, there is some level of logic and reason that can still be reached.

When Autumn shuts down, it's an entirely different story. This isn't a simple symbiosis, and it never has been. Parenting her happens at such a primal level in so many ways.

Her grandpa always seems to strike the perfect balance. He may never fully understand the peace of mind he brings me - and the value of the freedom he has given his granddaughter. He considers himself a cow man, first and foremost. His daughter considers him a hero, and always will.

How funny that what I actually logged on to write about was the relationship between cows and people.

It is a diary, after all. Might as well mental purge in a post...

I was on Facebook, which I rather think I'd like to cut right out of my life. Still, there I was. A "User." I heard a speaker once say that there are really only two times humans are referred to as "users:" when they are using technology, and when they are using drugs. Interesting, isn't it?

While on Facebook, I saw a post by a couple of young agvocates I follow. The problem I had was in the comments. The endless, bullying comments by those aiming to end agriculture. Comments full of misinformation and looking for a fight. Misinformed internet trolls who blatantly state they will not rest until the dairy industry is dead.

Those people make me so, so sad.

In a few ways, they are the reason I started this digital diary around a decade ago. They are so far removed from agriculture. They really don't understand how the industry works. Originally, I wanted to capture my experiences, having returned back to our family farm after a near 20-year hiatus. I had realized how much I enjoyed the cows. I had become fully aware of how alive I felt - going to work in jeans and workboots and moving around cows for a few hours each day. THIS was the best symbiosis! I find animals to be incredibly soothing. This was definitely a personal period of my working through so much bottled up stuff around my early stages of parenting. The cows and those hours in the barn were the best therapy I could have asked for.

Still, there was a real sense that it may not last. Even if it did, the chances my children would farm were slim. The chances their children would farm were nil. So to capture some little piece of it so they could look back at mom/grandma's memories and have a feel for what farming is. My idea was to create digital place that stood against the misinformation and horrible videos that are edited and created (and now we know, literally staged!) to capture farming in the worst possible light. I wanted to be someone tangible, believable, and accessible.

But you know, even that is a scary proposition today. I see what the trolls say and how mean they are. In their words, there is no dignity or respect for a different viewpoint. There is no willingness to listen with an open mind and absorb something they have clearly never experienced. It makes me hope my little Barn Diva page never gets so big as to attract that kind of attention.

So while it is little and pretty inconsequential, I'm going to just rant a little. What in the world do the activists think happens to the animals, if farming is ended? Do they imagine cows roaming the woods? Deer roam the woods, and they also pop out on the roads at the worst possible times. Can you imagine connecting to a cow with the hood of your car?

That is why deer are hunted - to control the population. So, would cows be hunted? And in this free-range scenario, how are the cows fed? Is grazing on grass enough for them? How do they survive in the woods in the winter? In the barn, none of this is an issue. OH - and can we imagine in our wooded scenario how the cows are dealing with mange, lice, grub infestation, hardware disease?

Or maybe there just aren't any more cows? We just let them be extinct? How is that better?

Symbiosis. Living a mutually beneficial life. Our animals enrich our lives in so many ways. Make no mistake, we give them comfort, shelter, food, health care, safe pastures and free spaces to move...

I just really don't get it. HOW did we get so removed from this way of life that we have actors on television talking about raped cows and farmers ripping cow babies away from their mothers?