It IS a Diary, After All.

It's been a busy weekend, and thankfully a long one! Yesterday, which is usually a day I set aside time to write and work on the blog, I had a young man in need of costume alterations for his school play. The day was spent making buttonholes on my grandmother's 1950's era sewing machine, with a buttonhole attachment which I had never figured out how to use before. Thanks so much to YouTube! It's a pretty incredible little gizmo.

So today, some blog work is happening. I'm going through the recordings of my last interview. I keep my computer handy for transcribing the important parts; but I'm usually cleaning house while I listen. I'm excited to get this one written! There are so many interesting points to explore. It's interesting to look at families where a grandparent and grandchild are working together. It's a lot like what's happening with my daughter and my dad. I quite often stay out of it on purpose. My relationship with my grandmother was one of the greatest blessings of my life. She had far more influence on me than my parents. And now, as I look for mentors and role models for my girl, I can't imagine a better guide in life than my dad.

Simple symbiosis.

Autumn and Satin

Today though, I stepped in a little and helped the girl work with her calves, Satin and Julia. Of course, that ended in teenage angst! This is why I rely on my dad so much. Julia has a clever pen my dad creates for young calves. Autumn didn't think we should take Julia out of her pen. I was determined to show her it was no big deal and NOW is the time to start working with this calf! My releasing the side of the pen that grandpa had put together was simply not OK in Autumn's world. After quite a bit of tense talk, the pen was put back together and Autumn stormed out of the barn.

NO, she isn't a brat. Autumn's world is not the same as ours. If you know her, you get it, at least to some degree. The hard part to explain is what trying to manage and balance all of that does to a parent. It's honestly hard for me to understand my own emotions and how raising her has changed me. It's an absolute given I am going to push too far at some point. I guess all parents do. I can't really explain what happens in me when things go awry with her. I have two kids, and they are entirely different beings. Things go awry with the boy too. At 14, he is a different kind of exhausting. Even at his worst, there is some level of logic and reason that can still be reached.

When Autumn shuts down, it's an entirely different story. This isn't a simple symbiosis, and it never has been. Parenting her happens at such a primal level in so many ways.

Her grandpa always seems to strike the perfect balance. He may never fully understand the peace of mind he brings me - and the value of the freedom he has given his granddaughter. He considers himself a cow man, first and foremost. His daughter considers him a hero, and always will.

How funny that what I actually logged on to write about was the relationship between cows and people.

It is a diary, after all. Might as well mental purge in a post...

I was on Facebook, which I rather think I'd like to cut right out of my life. Still, there I was. A "User." I heard a speaker once say that there are really only two times humans are referred to as "users:" when they are using technology, and when they are using drugs. Interesting, isn't it?

While on Facebook, I saw a post by a couple of young agvocates I follow. The problem I had was in the comments. The endless, bullying comments by those aiming to end agriculture. Comments full of misinformation and looking for a fight. Misinformed internet trolls who blatantly state they will not rest until the dairy industry is dead.

Those people make me so, so sad.

In a few ways, they are the reason I started this digital diary around a decade ago. They are so far removed from agriculture. They really don't understand how the industry works. Originally, I wanted to capture my experiences, having returned back to our family farm after a near 20-year hiatus. I had realized how much I enjoyed the cows. I had become fully aware of how alive I felt - going to work in jeans and workboots and moving around cows for a few hours each day. THIS was the best symbiosis! I find animals to be incredibly soothing. This was definitely a personal period of my working through so much bottled up stuff around my early stages of parenting. The cows and those hours in the barn were the best therapy I could have asked for.

Still, there was a real sense that it may not last. Even if it did, the chances my children would farm were slim. The chances their children would farm were nil. So to capture some little piece of it so they could look back at mom/grandma's memories and have a feel for what farming is. My idea was to create digital place that stood against the misinformation and horrible videos that are edited and created (and now we know, literally staged!) to capture farming in the worst possible light. I wanted to be someone tangible, believable, and accessible.

But you know, even that is a scary proposition today. I see what the trolls say and how mean they are. In their words, there is no dignity or respect for a different viewpoint. There is no willingness to listen with an open mind and absorb something they have clearly never experienced. It makes me hope my little Barn Diva page never gets so big as to attract that kind of attention.

So while it is little and pretty inconsequential, I'm going to just rant a little. What in the world do the activists think happens to the animals, if farming is ended? Do they imagine cows roaming the woods? Deer roam the woods, and they also pop out on the roads at the worst possible times. Can you imagine connecting to a cow with the hood of your car?

That is why deer are hunted - to control the population. So, would cows be hunted? And in this free-range scenario, how are the cows fed? Is grazing on grass enough for them? How do they survive in the woods in the winter? In the barn, none of this is an issue. OH - and can we imagine in our wooded scenario how the cows are dealing with mange, lice, grub infestation, hardware disease?

Or maybe there just aren't any more cows? We just let them be extinct? How is that better?

Symbiosis. Living a mutually beneficial life. Our animals enrich our lives in so many ways. Make no mistake, we give them comfort, shelter, food, health care, safe pastures and free spaces to move...

I just really don't get it. HOW did we get so removed from this way of life that we have actors on television talking about raped cows and farmers ripping cow babies away from their mothers?

A Barn of a Different Color

We live in a colorful world, indeed. Some people see it strictly black and white.

Photo Credit: KNM Bliss Baked Goods

Some observe a rather astounding range of gray between the black and white. Some get so lost in a grand spectrum of color they never notice a single shadow.

What would the world be, without all of those different perspectives?
Don't you want your accountant to be a fairly black and white kind of person? And yet, can you imagine that mindset on someone you were consulting with on paint for your home?

It ALL counts. It all matters! We all have value in this world. Perspectives we don't agree with have value. Perspectives that hurt us have value — even if only to test our dedication to our own knowledge.

When it comes to this barn project, there will be LOADS of perspectives. They will all be worth considering. Some will be discarded. All will be appreciated.

What's important is to remember the WHYs:

• A young lady who has made more gains than anyone thought possible
• A senior gentleman who would like to see his family farm restored to his mind's eye view
• A goal to prove old barns can be reborn to unique purposes that better our greater world

This weekend was quite extraordinary for the person mentioned in that first bullet. Her wonderful friends Katelyn, Sophie, Tesika and Madison, first surprised her with a celebratory birthday lunch at her favorite place, the Olive Garden. In this season of gratitude, it's well worth taking a moment to mention all that these young women have done to mentor their friend. Through the Dairy Princess program, and the Chautauqua County 4-H Dairy Project, these young people have assisted, encouraged, and befriended someone who at first, was really hard to connect with. It's taken years, but they have created an indelible bond. 

As I follow social media posts in Autism groups, I become more and more aware of how lacking in friendships our special needs community members are. They crave connection, just as we do. They often don't understand why they have trouble making and keeping friends. Communication differences make forging and building those relationships hard. The isolation that happens because communication is so difficult makes the relationships that do take hold so much more valuable and necessary than other typical friendships we might experience. If you have a chance to reach out to a person on the spectrum, please do. If you connect, please don't ever let go. 

Following lunch, our tribe of young friends drove my girl to Hills Valley Farm, where she became the proud owner of a Brown Swiss calf named Satin. The calf resides at the farm next door: her grandfather the primary caretaker with Autumn planning to assist at every available moment. Likely, our barn will never be ready for Satin to inhabit before she becomes a milking cow. Perhaps though, her daughters will grow up here. 

Today, none of that matters to these two. 

That said, it still matters to me. 

We're working on estimates. Working on putting a dollar value on what we think we can do this spring. It's not easy. There are different ideas on how things should be done - that whole black and white/gray/rainbow perspective thing is making itself unmistakably apparent. 

The Barn Diva is aiming HIGH. Why not? 

I'm not sure if I am scaring or frustrating people, but so be it. This is not a project where "good enough" is going to cut it. I believe there's magic in our barn. I can't wait to share some history, and talk to people who are ready to contribute their barn stories to this blog! Together, we can create something that benefits generations to come. 

There's no room for low-balling here. 

A mission is forming. It's about our barn, and your barn. It's about creating places people can go to find out how farming was, how it is, and why it changes. It's about showing why this way of life matters, and why all people should have a connection to farm. 

I haven't written much about yoga on my barn blog - but they are connected. Yoga aims to ground us - to build the connection of our minds to our bodies, and our bodies to earth. In doing so, our thoughts are more grounded, our emotions more stable. I wasn't long into my yoga practice before I realized that farming is truly a type of yoga - that cows embody a calming energy that can be therapeutic, and the physical demands of farming work to solidify our mind-body connections ("sensory organizing" in therapy-speak!). 

People leaving the farm harms our society as a whole. We're disconnecting from a reality we desperately need. In so doing, we're allowing fear to erode our food system. That fear ultimately makes it more difficult for families with limited resources to make sound nutrition choices. We get so worried about if we should go organic (and then the cost) or about GMOs, that we give up and sit down with our pop and chips because somehow they seem more affordable and comforting. Do you see what just happened there? 

... ANY vegetable and ANY milk is better than pop and chips! 

If you live it... or if you ask a farmer. I've seen the light go on for so many as they speak with our dairy princesses. I've had the honor of turning that light on for a few myself! We need more opportunities to make that happen. People need old barns and as many avenues as we can create to connect with animals. We live in a huge world, and yet digital technology allows us to shrink it. A rainbow of thought you can fit in your phone. 

It's up to each one of us to create the rainbow. 

Doing Laps with Lillyanne

Walking along the path to the farm, recently white-washed with a fresh coat of snow, I noticed a calf standing outside our heifer barn. Oh boy... getting a loose calf back in the barn can be quite simple, or it can be a strategic contest of wills! This youngster, who appeared to be about six months old, caught sight of me quickly and took off around the back side of the barn.

It would seem we were off to the races.

Not wanting to spend all day chasing a calf, I went to the main barn to round up some assistance. Thinking I had accomplished that, I walked back to the heifer barn. My rose-colored glasses perfectly in place, I began to think this would probably go much more smoothly than I originally anticipated. It just took a gentle nature, patience and possession of a little more intelligence than the calf...

(Anyone reading this who has worked with cattle is snickering at this point.)

I got just close enough to realize the escapee was none other than my SWEET Lillyanne, before she galloped off to make another lap around the barn. I calmly opened the door to the pens and walked in further to adjust the gates enough so she could get a little ways back in the barn, and none of her buddies could get out. I envisioned her walking in, me coming in quietly behind her and closing the big door. Piece of cake! Then reposition the gates to let her in her pen... problem solved!

Think again, Diva Girl. Lillyanne walked partway in just as I anticipated, and never took her eyes off of me. The moment I started to get close to the door, she was trotting off for another trip around the barn! I lost track of how many laps we made around that barn before an assistant arrived.

Same plan, two people! I replaced my rose-colored glasses and we try again. Guess what? Lillyanne outfoxed us both! This is the little baby born so weak just this past summer, correct? This afternoon was proof she is one smart, healthy little pain-in-the...

(I did not just say that.)

Assistant Number Two arrived and, at long last, Lillyanne was returned to her pen.

Some people think cows are stupid. I don't buy it. Cows are not as inquisitive as a horse. However, I do believe they are intelligent, and at times quite stubborn! They learn their routines, they have personalities, and when they decide they are going in a different stall or taking off to see the sights - there's not a whole lot you can do to convince them otherwise. Ever seen a cow chew her cud? How thoughtful they look! Perhaps they were made to digest their food in this manner in order to have time to mull over whatever other life questions they might have...

Sometimes we'd all be a little better off to slow down and chew our mental cuds a bit longer.

I don't believe in stupid people any more than I believe in stupid cows. People learn and grow in many different ways. Just because someone chooses to experience life outside of their respective 'barn' and refuses to go down the expected path of life, doesn't make them any less intelligent than the rest of us. Perhaps they are MORE intelligent. They're choosing a different route, and maybe they will see things we won't see, because we're too busy "doing it right". Some take longer to process information and form their thoughts, but that doesn't make them stupid. It just makes them thorough.

Hey Lillyanne, should we go another lap? Maybe we should wait until the temperature is above freezing!